Monsoon Poon

It starts out like any other day. Slip on a shirt, slap on some shades & slop on the sunscreen.

We check out from the Nora Chewang hotel & triple check under the bed to make sure we have all our valuables.

Our next destination is a remote resort with a sister hotel at the southern end of Chewang beach that includes a free shuttle service.

Instead of paying a measly sixty bhat for a Songtow (local bus / a Ute with bench seats), we figure it'd be easier to walk the length of the beach & burn some calories.  It is a decision we soon regret.

Twenty minutes later, clouds suddenly appear & the sky turns black.

Droplets begin to fall.  Fully aware that it is the Monsoon season, we dash for cover & just make it to a shop front shelter as the heavens unleash their fury.

This downpour develops into a full blown typhoon of deafening thunder & sheet lightning.  By now the street dogs are all but quivering as are we.  

Three hours & many cigarettes later, the flood waters are rapidly rising & we are beginning to consider our options.  Many tourists attempt to drive scooters & cars through the water, predictably they flood their vehicles.

Do we wait it out & claim insurance or get wet & get through?

We decide the best option is to wade through the waist deep water up the middle of the road. That way we have less chance of slipping off the uneven Samui style curbs & plunging into a passport-less oblivion.

The sun seems to shine a glorious beam of light on the Kirikayan beach resort as we emerge drenched.

Like a lamb to it's ewe we are welcomed with open arms & are given a refreshing coconut mocktail, which replenishes our blood sugar levels.

So happy we could cry, the hotel arranges a four wheel drive to whisk us away from disaster to the hot tub of our five star penthouse suite.

On arrival we can't believe our eyes...

Just when you need a taxi they mysteriously vanish.

Next time, you can pedal.

3, 2, 1, splutter, cough, stall.

Redemption.

Hollywood super king

Bec: "how many rooms do we share this with?" Hotel Lady: "this is just for you, you in Thailand now!"

What was your Jenny Craig moment?

Koh Samui:

We catch a bus to Phuket airport and just make it to the check-in counter thirty minutes before departure.  Our hearts sink as the bus drives us from the terminal to the plane we are about to board.  It’s tiny and has vintage style triple blade propellers on each wing.  After a turbulent sixty minutes we touch down safely in Koh Samui with a tofu burger in our puku. 

Koh Samui is a small island that is 25 kilometers long and 21k’s wide.  The airport is a gorgeous open air wooden tent with a flax roof, it feels as if we have landed in nirvana.  Sand bags stacked three feet high remain from the floods, otherwise you’d have no idea that people were stranded here a week ago.  We catch a mini bus to our hotel and only surface at each meal time for food.  These meals inspire us to write a food blog.  Below is the delicious food we’ve tasted on our journey so far, each province has a unique taste to it.  We love the aromatic flavors of Phuket the most.  Geoff is supporting the Seven Eleven shops by trying all the 5 bhat snacks.  His favorite is seafood crisps which include a Teriyaki sauce sachet.  Bec has grown an addiction to Cornetto ice creams, testing out all the flavors, they are very affordable at 15Bhat a pop.  Fortunately we are moving hotels every couple of days or the shop keepers would be thinking: "Here come the greedy Farang to buy chips and ice-cream again".

Thai Food:

Thai meals are served in small portions, so you can order more dishes to share with your fellow diners.  Restaurant tables typically feature a variety of condiments to spice up the meal including:

• Dried chili flakes
• Sweet chili sauce
• ‘Birds eye chili’ WARNING: flammable
• Sliced chili in brine
• Pepper & Salt
• Soy sauce
• Crystal MSG

You may be served a salty herbal broth which is very refreshing & a good source of Sodium.  Salt will help you re-hydrate & endure the prickly heat. 

The common dishes served at each restaurant are:

• Pad Thai
• Chicken and Cashew nuts
• Red/Green/Yellow 'Paenang' Curry
• Yellow noodles with chicken/beef/pork/ or seafood
• Flat noodles with chicken/vegetables/beef/pork or seafood
• Rice with chicken/vegetables/beef/pork/or seafood
• Spring Rolls
• Stir fry vegetables in brown sauce
• Sticky mango rice pudding

Bec’s favorite dish is chicken with cashew nuts and vegetables in brown sauce while Geoff adores everything with lashings of chili.  The friendly waiters bring Geoff an ashtray after every meal as they can tell he is a smoker.

If you like Pina Coladas & gettin caught in a monsoon...

we're gonna need a bigger ladle

Pets welcome, you never eat alone in Thailand

Shrimp candy 

Omelettes are back

Why pay rent?

Guess the fruit

I've got dibs on the trotter 

Complimentary American breakfast or 'ABF'

Eat Pray Love

Somebody call fat fighters

Pad Thai Yum Kap

Deep fried chicken with rice 

Do your laundry while you eat

Complimentary hotel water in a recycled Chang beer bottle

Buffet bandits

Blended spirits hippy $4.50 NZD

Always with the fluffy glutinous rice

Bean curd & angels hair noodle

Thats one heavy Lazy Susan

"See you tomorrow" says the waiter

This little piggy went wee wee wee

Here comes a food coma

Pirates of the Thailand Gulf

Kata Beach is the opposite to Patong.  Its a quiet town with fewer tourists and a laid back vibe.  The beach is beautiful featuring golden sands and a deep green ocean.  Our hotel room is perched on a cliff overlooking Kata beach.  We spend as much time in our suite as possible relaxing and then dining at the local Orchid restaurant where we enjoy three delicious meals & a fireworks display on our final night.  Geoff went OD on Tempura vegetables.  That crispy batter is highly addictive.

Which reminds us of the ridiculously huge line we saw outside Krispy-Kreme in Bangkok...

"They should call it Cracky-Kreme" - Chris Rock

My trousers don't fit no mo'

Mosquito tucker

After two days of chilling out and eating we move on to our next stop: Phuket town.

We board the local bus for 30 bhat each.  By bus we mean a truck with bench seats and a tin roof open air styles.  It was great apart from the diesel taste in our mouths when we arrived.  During the trip something dodgy happens.  On the outskirts of Phuket town the bus suddenly stops on the side of the road & a Tuk-tuk taxi appears out of nowhere,  the driver climbs into the bus & says "free tuk tuk to town I take you for free"

We said 'no thanks' but the French family accepts & everyone else on the bus keeps silent as they get out and board the Tuk-tuk.  Bec & I share a knowing look...Scam!  At the next set of traffic lights we pull up alongside the Tuk-tuk & can hear both drivers converse in Thai & laugh.

The bus keeps going & one of the Thai passengers tells us "Nothing free in Thailand you don't go with them, they take you to place & rip you off & that taxi get a commission".

You gotta watch out for the graft sometimes.

Fun times

Phuket town is a beautiful spot – on the opposite side of where the tsunami struck.  There are lush mountains all around covered in tropical goodness.  The streets are lined with two hundred year old houses.  The architecture is described as Sino-Portugese, and it rivals Napier’s Art Deco buildings.

We meet the hotel tour operator who is still lurking at 9pm. We haggle hard to get on a Phi-Phi Island tour.  Despite the weather warnings for thunder storms the tours are all fully booked.  After some bartering we are booked on a trip the following morning.  The tour operator laughs & compliments Rebecca's negotiation skills.

The tour starts early morning from Chalong and 'Boy' (tour operator) has organised a car to pick us up from the hotel.  After a free ride with Michael Schumacher we arrive at the pier & board the speed boat manned by a crew of swarthy pirates.

"You no smoke on boat, seven hundred litre benzine go boom"

Travelling at 50 knots (90 Kph) the boat's power cuts out & everyone gasps when we hit the wake of an aircraft carrier & become momentarily airborne.  Thankfully the rest of the journey is scream free.

Uniform: cammo & barefeet

Chillin' on the motor

Naval rescue vessel

We can tell something is wrong when the crew start talking in Thai & pointing at ominous grey clouds ahead. The burly driver maintains top speed as rain begins to sheet down. Sick bags are passed around.  We don’t mind as we are prepared to get wet, we are on a snorkeling trip after all…

Just as we enter the sheltered cove known as Phi Phi Lay / Maya bay & made famous by 'The Beach' movie, the sun comes out to cheer every one up.  Creamy sands & azure water greets us - it looks like a screensaver.  The cliffs are breath-taking and the water is tepid.  Pure heaven!  We observe boat loads of tourists taking photos then we happily join them.

Phi Phi Lay (Maya Bay)

Viking Cave - No photo shop required!

Our next stop is Viking Cave.  Farmers live here & harvest the ingredient used to make birds nest soup.  One kilogram of birds saliva is worth $3000 USD.  The cave gets its name from drawings of ships left by Vikings over five hundred years ago.

Monkey Bay

The crew call them the monkey mafia & warn us that our insurance does not cover monkey bites. “You be careful & don’t get too close or you go to hospital”.  We feed them bananas & a Russian bloke yells for help when one jumps on his back.

Schools of Tiger fish circle Rebecca as she goes snorkeling & checks out the coral reef of Phi-Phi Don.

Snorkeling times, YAY!!

Nom Nom Noming.....

After a buffet lunch everyone apart from Bec & the captain, falls asleep until we get to Kai Island for an hour of sunbathing in paradise.  People can sleep anywhere over here, we've seen a child sleeping whilst slumped over the handlebars of a moving scooter, I kid you not.

Phi Phi Don

Phi Phi Ley (Our Boat)

Tomorrow we are flying to Koh Samui.